Shade of a Glisten

I plod through thick, dark mud and sit on the cold, concrete porch of a one-room schoolhouse.

What can be done in only a day here? I wonder.

In the distance, grey clouds droop until they seem to brush the tops of a hundred rusty tin shacks. Toddlers in oversized clothes play quietly and unsupervised between the scattered buildings. The older children roll old tires and collect sticks from the splotches of dirt and grass.

I am afraid of scaring them with my white skin and American accent, so I stay seated, observing. I prop my chin on the palm of my hand. My silver camera is tied to my wrist and dangles between my knees, its shiny surface greatly contrasting the dullness of my surroundings. So far in the trip, the memory card only holds landscapes of a war-torn country, not alluring native faces.

As I stare at the horizon, where the dirt meets the clouds, I feel a small hand tap my right leg. The sudden presence startles me. My shock frightens the Kenyan toddler, and she shyly takes a step back.

“Oh! Hi, there…” I say with a smile so big that it nearly turns the greeting into a laugh. Not knowing if she understands me, I try again, “Jambo.”

Silence. A crooked smile. A step forward.

She reaches out her little hand and grasps my intriguingly lustrous camera. When I turn it on, her eyes widen. She jerks her hand back as if I made the inanimate object come to life. She looks timidly at me. Without words, she asks what it is. Without words, I answer by taking her picture then turning the camera around to show her the screen. Her black eyes shimmer with excitement. I wonder if she has ever seen herself.

In an instant, her playmates are surrounding me so closely that I can barely move. Shaved heads. Mismatched clothes. Runny noses. Dirty feet. Their beauty astounds me.

At least 15 hands reach for the strange gadget and tug at the string that ties it to my wrist. Finally, I release the camera, and half the crowd backs away to take their first photos.

The other half begins to examine me. The girls tug at my bright jewelry. I try to explain the colored beads of the Salvation bracelet I am wearing. “Blue is for Baptism,” I urge.

“Baloo… baaalooo…blue. Blue!” the younger ones repeat in their crisp accents, then laugh at themselves.

Colors now. Concepts later. I try to comfort myself. Oh, Lord, please, give me a later.

Small, dark brown fingers pull through my tangled, dark brown curls. Innocent yet experienced eyes stare at my white skin and American clothes. Swahili words hover between giggles.

A little boy comes with the other half of the group to bring back my camera. The memory card is full. The battery is dying.

“Time’s up,” I utter with a shaky voice. I make a frown in an attempt to relay the message.

They don’t understand.

Blogging

Hello, Anyone who may still keep up with this blog:

I have thoroughly enjoyed blogging here and will continue to post blogs sporadically. However, I've been blogging on another site as well, and keeping two blogs updated is just too much for my busy schedule. I will be blogging most often at xanga.com/cmyost. Please visit the site and subscribe to it. I suggest that you also subscribe to this one since I'll be posting here, too, just not as often as the other. Thanks for being my faithful readers and for building my platform for future publication. Be sure to give me feedback on any previous blogs and/or on xanga.

Faith and Hope,

Charity Yost

To You and Me

I despise the fact that I have not blogged in so long. Writing is my calling. Why is it so hard to find time for it? I'm always writing for school, but nothing that I feel called to write. . . except this week. My assignment is to write social commentary. I think I do that quite often on this site, so I dug through my old entries and made notes of major topics I've discussed.

Most of the social topics I mention here revolve around Christians not doing what they're supposed to be doing. That fact makes my skin crawl. Some of us do what Americans are expected to do all the time. We eat, drink, work out, wash our cars, pay taxes, work, have weekends, and so on. But when was the last time we did something that was specifically what is expected of a follower of Jesus Christ. Have we read Scripture today as if it were complete Truth for life? Have we thanked God for how good He has been to us? Have we tithed wholly? Have we treated our bodies like temples for the Holy Spirit? Have we truly loved each person we've seen today and not just pretended?

Why do Christians still screw up? Hasn't the love of God changed us? Haven't we let Him work in our lives? Why do we keep taking charge of our actions and thoughts? Why do we say things we don't mean?

I am begging the Body of Christ, including myself, to surrender everything with full confidence that God is omnisciently and omnipotently faithful. He can, and He will do whatever He knows is perfect in a perfect way. He doesn't need our permission. We don't have to let Him. But surrender is a much better light in which to see His work than either apathy or resistance. Be who you say you are. Be God's people. Be His appendages. Be his ambassadors. Be His love letters to the world. But please, don't lie about it with your life.

Really?

If you keep up with my xanga, you know I'm a few days behind on this blog. Since I am behind, the concepts may not be as clear as they were originally, but here's what I was trying to comprehend last week.

Sometimes, I get bogged down with the little things that aren't going the way I think they should. Right now, I'm behind on papers and projects and reading for classes. My dorm is a mess because I haven't unloaded from the weekend. It's a beautiful day outside, but I'm inside trying to catch up. I let little things get to me at times. But so many big things have more than canceled out those little factors.

Of course, the biggest of the big things is Christ's love for and faithfulness to me. Last week, I was focusing on Psalm 33. It's a beautiful passage, and I encourage you to read it. The passage is a great example of how God cares for me and for us as the human race; however, it felt so incredibly unbelievable. Yes, I, Charity Yost, the Christian, believer, follower, is saying it felt unbelievable. But doesn't the entire premise of the Gospel? Pardon me for being too real here, but that's the word that comes to mind. Yet, I believe. I believe the unbelievable.

In our Bible Study last week, I used the analogy of my boyfriend Ben. When he does sweet things for me, I sometimes give him a "get out of here" look. "Are you really my boyfriend?" I wonder. Can it be possible that I have someone in my life that I care about this much? Is it possible that he cares back? And why is he so nice? That feeling is just a portion of what I feel towards the One who created me with His own breath. "Are You serious? You loved me enough to die for me? AND You bless me every day?"

Sara Bareilles has a song called "My Love." It's about male-female love, but some of the words make me think about my Lord. He's real. He unbelievably believable. If you haven't experienced that, I'm happy to share.

"He bends His breath around my name, and I am humbled. I feel small and plain, but His arms are angels at His side. You need not ask if they're open, just how wide. . . . My love is on His way. I can't wait to see the day."

Update

Hello, all.

If you read my recent blog "Don't Stop Your Heart," much has happened with my friend Matt's family since then. I'd love for you to go to this link, then "launch" the video on the right of the page.

Matt's Dad

My Plans

Yesterday, I was in desperate need for God to speak to me. I didn't have a huge choice to make or task to complete. I just needed Him. I needed Him to whisper love to me. I found Proverbs 16, or He gave it to me.

"We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer" (v. 1).
"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed" (v. 3).
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" (v. 9).
"We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall" (v. 33).

I make plans every day, short-term and long-term. I want everything to go according to those plans. I constantly have to take my hands off the controller and tell God to take over. I don't think I struggle with that so much as I constantly forget that He's better at this game than I am. He has the right answers. He owns success itself. He determines reality.


"Better to have little, with godliness, than to be rich and dishonest" (v. 8).
"Better to live humbly with the poor than to share plunder with the proud" (v. 19).

I am a broke, college student. It concerns me sometimes. The economy probably concerns most people right now. Comfort is knowing that Truth doesn't depend on money.

"When people's lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them" (v. 7).
"The king is pleased with words from righteous lips; he loves those who speak honestly" (v. 13).
"Kind words are like honey -- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body" (v. 24).
"Discretion is a life-giving fountain" (v. 22).
"Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city" (v.32).

Sometimes, it's so hard to be good. I truly believe that God blesses the righteous and those blessings are rewarded now or later. I truly believe that God gives us His own righteousness if we are His. But I also believe that I have the choice whether or not to utilize that power to do right. Sometimes, that choice is difficult to make. People have told me that it shouldn't be because I am a new creation in Christ, but that doesn't change the fact that I occasionally want to do evil things like retaliate or be disrespectful to people who are disrespectful to me.

But Scripture promises that if I choose to do what pleases the Lord, even my enemies will be at peace with me. If I speak righteous Truth, He is pleased. If I am discreet and inoffensive, I will have life. And if I show patience and self-control, I've accomplished more than overtaking an entire city. Being good is worthwhile.

"When the king smiles, there is life" (v. 15).

I want to make my King smile. I plan on it.

Don't Stop Your Heart

Except for the past four and a half months, I was single my entire life. There were times that I was skeptical about male/female relationships, when I hated the entire male race, when I swore I'd never let little red hearts float around my head. I had good reasons, which were bad experiences.


A few of my friends are in those skeptical stages. They think that I've abandoned them by abandoning my skepticism. They don't understand why anyone would want to love for risk of pain. They deny any need for someone of the opposite sex in their lives. Maybe you do. I heard a story today that might not alter your view of the future and relationships, but it may alter your view of love in general, maybe even faith. A day later, I heard this story. I'm repeating this story closely to how it was relayed to me. May it reach out from this computer screen and pat you on the shoulder.


My friend Matt's nephew found Matt's dad Ken in the bathroom floor yesterday morning. Ken was in the fetal position, struggling to breathe, and asking for his wife. His wife rushed in, called 911 and our pastor Blake, then went with him to the hospital. Blake rushed there, too. They all prayed desperately for Ken, but shortly later, the doctors told the family that Ken had died of a heart attack. The nurses kept him on a respirator while the family came in to say their last goodbyes. Patients are typically pronounced dead after 30 minutes of being in Ken's state. As Ken's wife Tina began talking to him, the heart monitor registered its first faint beat in 49 minutes.

After more prayer from family and friends and more work from the doctors, Ken was taken into surgery. He made it through and, by this morning, could sit up in bed and respond verbally to questions.


Faith. Hope. Love. I need these. Of the three, my greatest need is love. It grants me the other two. I have the right to be a skeptic. I also have the right to choose not to exercise that right. I believe in the strength and power of genuine love. I believe it can rejuvenate faith then move mountains. I also believe that it can start hearts that have stopped.