Tainted Love

"If this is giving up then I'm giving up on love. I'm not up for being a victim of love." (Anna Nalick)

These words were my day-to-day motto a few short months ago. I'm still struggling to push through that mindset.

So many males have changed their minds about loving me. They either loved me and then stopped, or told me that they loved me and disproved their own claim with contradicting actions. The only faithful and constant men in my life have been my earthly father and my heavenly Father. Yes, I'm a daddy's girl. I would trust Gary Yost with my life and everything in it. I go to him for admiration, affirmation, and advice. I know he would do anything for me. He tells me so. And I love my Lord so much that it hurts sometimes. I would do anything for Him. I'm overwhelmed with wanting to please Him. My entire life is His.



This sets a high standard for the guys in my life, because whoever God has planned for me to spend the rest of my life partnered with will have to love my Jesus just as much as I do. This can put up some borders for relationships.

I asked one of my close friends for advice about a guy the other day. That confidant basically said that I love Jesus too much and that He was getting in the way of my dating life.

At first, I was too shocked to respond. Then, I was hugely offended, mad, disappointed, and above all sad.

"LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!?" I screamed to Christ in the car on the way home. I was livid and affronted. What kind of tainted views does my friend have?! Jesus Christ could easily have come to earth and kicked back like a lazy bum and let me never experience peace or salvation or freedom or real life, but instead He looked at my confused drama and said, let me help. So He DIED for me. DIED. Death and all that went along with it -- pain, suffering, bleeding, sweating, yelling, suffocating, with nails, a cross, and a death march up Golgotha. For ME! And you think I love HIM too much!? I'm still living! Even martyrdom could not express the love between my Redeemer and me. He loves me way too much. I wouldn't even love myself that much. In Malachi 1:2, God said "I love you" and He meant it. I said "Really? How?"And He showed me. And whenever I stoop so low to think maybe He'll be just like the rest and stop loving me, he says "I the Lord do not change." (Malachi 3:6) And I love Him even more for it. So if loving Jesus too much "gets in the way of my dating life," let it be so -- amen?

Give me one example of what someone can do to love God too much? Seriously? What beats death? Oh wait.... Jesus did that too.