This week is possibly going to be the most demanding of the semester, if not the most strenuous of my entire college career so far. The amount of reading I have to do, papers I have to write, and midterms I have to take is unbelievable. I began stressing out last week simply anticipating the fullness of this week. I was absolutely sure that I could not accomplish everything that was required of me.
"God, I can't do this. I am completely incapable. The only solution I know is that You're going to have to do it for me," I admitted.
My boyfriend Ben sent a message to me via facebook the very next day, reassuring me that God was "taking care of things." He also included the lyrics to a David Crowder song, which inspired me to have a David Crowder marathon during my hour-long drive to church that morning. I cried when I heard his skillfully crafted words.
"I'm so tired. I'm doing all that I can," I prayed. The song echoed.
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where You sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
Crowder's next image was one that I still have not fully grasped.
Just before the Last Supper, Jesus pulled out a basin and water, knelt down, and washed his disciples feet. The Bible calls this "the full extent of His love" (John 13:1 NIV). That is the only comparison I can suggest to what I have felt all week. My pure and holy Savior, Jesus Christ, has knelt in front of me and washed away the dust of my anxiety and shortcomings. At first, I protested, "No, you shall never wash my feet! (John 13:8 NIV) I should be washing yours. Please, don't Lord. I am so unworthy. Let me do it."
But He insists, "If I don't . . . you can't be part of what I'm doing" (John 13:8 MSG)
He and I both know that I can't do all this alone. So with a sigh, half of relief and half of surrender, I let my Master serve me. I am so unworthy.
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet.
His only request is that I return the favor to others by washing their feet.
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
That's my everything.
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1 comment:
Wow, Charity! - Such deep thoughts. In my Servant Leadership class we have been discussing the leader as what we call a "shepherd" and "patient".
"Shepherd" being protecting, nurturing and guiding the flock, and "patient" meaning we allow Jesus to use us, rather than feeling like we are doing it to please Him. - God NEEDS nothing from us. He chooses to use us for His glory, and for that we can be both greatly suprised and thankful.
The thoughts shared here reminded me of how awe-inspiring it is that Jesus serves and uses lowly people like us to get the job done! Wow. Thank you for reminding me during MY very busy week, incidently, one of the busiest in this semester for me, too!
I'll be praying that the Lord will continue to give you strength and endurance during this stressful time. Remember, as the saying goes, you're "Too blessed to be stressed"! :)
Blessings on you as you allow Him to use you to accomplish His will in your life and in the life of others. Thanks for so freely sharing your heart.
~Ashley~
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