Change Of Course

I had planned to blog about this morning's sermon, and I still may on another day. However, when I got to the computer, I felt compelled to let the things I've been thinking silently spill onto your screen instead. Please forgive my mess. I promise to clean it up later.

Today was the last day of Christmas break. In the last month, God has opened my eyes to the constant physical pain that some people experience everyday. I'm only 20 years old. Those few years were not sheltered from surgeries and stitches, but I never lived with pain for very long, until this year. Suddenly, I appreciate sleep without aching and the use of my right arm. Since real pain has been a part of my life, I have gained respect for those who know life no other way. My pain is nothing in comparison to the other patients I have struggled merely to watch in hospitals and doctor's offices. Seeing them, in some absolutely horrible way, decreases my pain. Empathy is like cough syrup -- nearly unbearable, but takes away your symptoms.

If the empathy I've learned to swallow this Christmas break was my dose of cough syrup, then my friends and family members have been my spoonful of sugar. I've seen all of my closest friends around home at least once (except Trey, and Hon, I promise if God wills it, we'll get together next weekend). Spending time with them without wondering when I'll have time to write the next big paper has been a blessing. Still, it seems like I cannot be satisfied until everyone I love is in the same room. Life scatters people. Not counting my NGU friends, who all returned home for the holidays, I had friends and family in Illinois, Tennessee, Virginia, and even Iraq that I didn't get to see. Which brings me to my third and final point of contemplation from this month's hiatus. Liberty.

No, not the freedom. The University. During my junior and senior years of high school, Liberty was my first choice for furthering my education. After much prayer and turmoil, NGU seemed the best choice. When I gave up my first choice school for the most logical school, I told myself that I would reevaluate in the second semester of my sophomore year. ... That semester begins tomorrow. That causes my blood pressure to rise and my mind to spin.

Credits would probably be tough to transfer. Scholarships could be hard to find. I might not like it once I got there.

I might feel more challenged there. I might feel more right there. Maybe God gave me that thirst for LU.

How would my parents feel? Would my friends here forgive or forget me? Would it make more trouble than sense?

I wish the entire world were in my backyard. I could be with all my NGU people and attend Liberty at the same time. I could see pain and fix it. I could minister to those in Kenya without terrifying my parents. I wouldn't have to drive to another state to meet a dear friend. In a world that makes everything so easily accessed, why are people still so far apart? With so much medication, why do people sleep in a sea of illness? With so much hope to be offered, why are there looks of fear on the faces of Kenyans? With so many wonderful choices, why can I still not answer my own questions?