I always plan what I will say in each of my blogs, and think about it for a couple days, then pull out recurring themes from my thoughts and place them here for you to read. But sometimes, I have those things plotted and perfected then get to the keyboard and realize those things are not what I should say at all, which erases the slate of what I was going to say but doesn't tell me what I should say.
Since middle school, I have been a planner. I carry day planners. I plan events. I plan Bible Studies. I plan mundane things throughout the day. I can plan.
Lately, however, planning is not my forte, particularly for summer. Summer is two months and one week away. Once it arrives, it will last three and a half glorious months. I already had this summer planned at the end of last summer. It was plotted and charted and outlined. Yes, I can plan. Yet, as I plan, I pray, and to be quite frank, prayer messes up my plans. . . . And I love it.
So, my plans for this summer have been wonderfully messed up by Jesus Christ's intervention. Hopefully, I'm doing what He wants me to do and the end result will be His plans instead of mine. I have no clue what my summer will be. As of today, it's no longer my summer anyways --- I gave it away.
Possibly at that same moment that I dropped my summer heavily into God's steady hand, my Lord applied the passage I've been concentrating on this week to my current circumstances. I'll put parts of it here, but look up Hebrews 10 for yourself and be blessed by its greatness.
When I'm wondering what God's purpose is in all this...
"God's will was for us to be made holy." (v. 10)
"He forever made perfect those who are being made holy." (v. 14)
When I'm blind to what my school breaks may have in store:
"Go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him." (v. 22)
"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." (v. 23)
"Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you." (v. 35)
When I wonder what will get me through until then...
"Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful...." (v. 32)
"Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised." (v. 36)
Just as this blog was completely planned and then completely renovated, so is my future. The foundation has already been laid. He already warned me of this --"My righteous ones will live by faith " in verse 38 and 39 -- but I continue needing to be reminded. "We are the faithful ones." I want this summer to be a faithful one. Oh, Lord, please mess up my plans until they are perfectly Yours.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Eishet Hayil
Eishet Hayil. The wife of noble character. Some translations say "Woman of Valor." Some use "Virtue." It was used in the Bible to describe Ruth, my favorite person in the Bible. I wrote about her a few months ago on this blog.
Eishet Hayil is defined in Proverbs 31. According to my Old Testament professor, Ruth and Proverbs are the only times Eishet Hayil is mentioned in the entire Bible. Being in Christian schooling throughout my life and having friends who were mostly raised in Christian homes, I always heard guys say they wanted a "Proverbs 31 Wife" and girls say they were going to be one. And I had read the passage. I knew what it said literally, but it meant something different to me each time I read it. Sometimes the references to knitting and cooking made me wonder disdainfully if I was called to be a pioneer woman. Sometimes visions of children and a husband would whirl around me, and I would pray that I would have the mindset of a Proverbs 31 woman in the future when there was a ring on my finger and a kid on the way.
It wasn't until recently, when I was finally content with the present and seeing God's work around me as an individual female in the present that I saw Proverbs 31 in yet another way -- single.
Many of the verses are specifically about marriage and parenting, but I suddenly realized that nearly as many could apply to single life as well. Don't misunderstand me, I am not a fan of picking and choosing random verses just because they fit. I simply saw application to my personal life for the first time, and I wanted to share it with you, my readers. So, here are the tidbits that I pondered anew:
"Speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice" (v. 9).
This verse came just before the Eishet Hayil section, seeming almost like a preamble. I desire to see the hidden hurting people then defend those defenseless.
"Her husband can trust her" (v. 11).
I know "husband" is mentioned, but I can work on trustworthiness in my motives and discernment within my daily life. What a noble calling, simply to be trusted.
"She is energetic and strong, a hard worker" (v. 17).
"She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy" (v. 20).
"Clothed with strength and dignity... she laughs without fear of the future" (v. 25).
I believe that fearlessness comes from an peace with God. Strength and dignity come from a constantly-growing relationship with him.
"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instruction with kindness" (v. 26).
Since reading this, I've really been striving to listen more, even to the silence of myself and others. Mindless words make me cringe, especially when they come from my own lips.
"Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her" (v. 28).
Again, I know it has the "c" and "h" word, but as a single girl, I can still attempt to live my life with a nobility that my future relationships will be proud of and fill my life with things that I won't mind telling my children that I did years before they were born.
And my favorite of all is verse 30, which ends it all in a "moral-to-the-story" theme.....
Eishet Hayil is defined in Proverbs 31. According to my Old Testament professor, Ruth and Proverbs are the only times Eishet Hayil is mentioned in the entire Bible. Being in Christian schooling throughout my life and having friends who were mostly raised in Christian homes, I always heard guys say they wanted a "Proverbs 31 Wife" and girls say they were going to be one. And I had read the passage. I knew what it said literally, but it meant something different to me each time I read it. Sometimes the references to knitting and cooking made me wonder disdainfully if I was called to be a pioneer woman. Sometimes visions of children and a husband would whirl around me, and I would pray that I would have the mindset of a Proverbs 31 woman in the future when there was a ring on my finger and a kid on the way.
It wasn't until recently, when I was finally content with the present and seeing God's work around me as an individual female in the present that I saw Proverbs 31 in yet another way -- single.
Many of the verses are specifically about marriage and parenting, but I suddenly realized that nearly as many could apply to single life as well. Don't misunderstand me, I am not a fan of picking and choosing random verses just because they fit. I simply saw application to my personal life for the first time, and I wanted to share it with you, my readers. So, here are the tidbits that I pondered anew:
"Speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice" (v. 9).
This verse came just before the Eishet Hayil section, seeming almost like a preamble. I desire to see the hidden hurting people then defend those defenseless.
"Her husband can trust her" (v. 11).
I know "husband" is mentioned, but I can work on trustworthiness in my motives and discernment within my daily life. What a noble calling, simply to be trusted.
"She is energetic and strong, a hard worker" (v. 17).
"She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy" (v. 20).
"Clothed with strength and dignity... she laughs without fear of the future" (v. 25).
I believe that fearlessness comes from an peace with God. Strength and dignity come from a constantly-growing relationship with him.
"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instruction with kindness" (v. 26).
Since reading this, I've really been striving to listen more, even to the silence of myself and others. Mindless words make me cringe, especially when they come from my own lips.
"Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her" (v. 28).
Again, I know it has the "c" and "h" word, but as a single girl, I can still attempt to live my life with a nobility that my future relationships will be proud of and fill my life with things that I won't mind telling my children that I did years before they were born.
And my favorite of all is verse 30, which ends it all in a "moral-to-the-story" theme.....
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."
May my life echo these words.
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."
May my life echo these words.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Salvation from Conformity
I fall to the ground
And make love to the earth
For fear there is nothing else.
I lie to myself
That I am like it --
Dead dust and ashes.
And any of me that isn't the same,
I form and conform to be
To make myself one with its nature.
Or attempt.
For part of myself will not stay here,
Rolling in dirt of mortality.
Part knows that earth
Could never love me back
Never show me more than itself
Its selfish self
Could never give me anything.
I have given my whole self
To something incapable of reciprocation.
But there is a force that can lift me
From lying in indignity.
It rescues the immortal part
Out of the cutting gravel and infecting soil
And teaches me that I am separate.
I am different.
I am not to be one with something that is temporary.
I have been made immortal.
And make love to the earth
For fear there is nothing else.
I lie to myself
That I am like it --
Dead dust and ashes.
And any of me that isn't the same,
I form and conform to be
To make myself one with its nature.
Or attempt.
For part of myself will not stay here,
Rolling in dirt of mortality.
Part knows that earth
Could never love me back
Never show me more than itself
Its selfish self
Could never give me anything.
I have given my whole self
To something incapable of reciprocation.
But there is a force that can lift me
From lying in indignity.
It rescues the immortal part
Out of the cutting gravel and infecting soil
And teaches me that I am separate.
I am different.
I am not to be one with something that is temporary.
I have been made immortal.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Steel Blue
If you were a color
I'd pick steel blue
You calm me
You cool me
And give me something to run home to
When I can't sort the facts in my mind.
When I'm thirsting for hope,
You're the only water I find.
The cloudless sky could never compare
To the freedom I find beneath your care.
I could fly in the bottomless blue of you,
Drown in the limitless shiny depth,
And still feel secure in your iron strength
Steel blue strength
That washes fear away in a flood
That calms and cools.
Of all the world's colors,
You're my steel blue.
I'd pick steel blue
You calm me
You cool me
And give me something to run home to
When I can't sort the facts in my mind.
When I'm thirsting for hope,
You're the only water I find.
The cloudless sky could never compare
To the freedom I find beneath your care.
I could fly in the bottomless blue of you,
Drown in the limitless shiny depth,
And still feel secure in your iron strength
Steel blue strength
That washes fear away in a flood
That calms and cools.
Of all the world's colors,
You're my steel blue.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Forgotten Freedom
Some memories have dormant modes. Those are the ones that we forget even exist until some undefinable force reawakens them.
Many memories were stirred from their slumber last weekend. I went to my high school's homecoming basketball game Friday night and saw people whom I haven't seen in several months. I had flashbacks of being on OCA's court, dressing up for spirit week, and cheering on the team -- things directly linked with homecoming festivities. However, I also remembered idiosyncrasies of the students and staff, the jargon in a small Christian school, the jokes that no one outside understands, the celebrations of everyday victories, and the suffering of teenage years. And so many of those things were still there, but sitting in the bleachers and looking around at all the familiar faces, the change overwhelmed me. I wondered if I had changed drastically or if those around me had. I decided it was maybe a combination of both, but that it was mostly me.
Some of the friends had grown farther from me without either of us meaning to be so far away. Our lives had simply taught us different things and found us in opposite places. Others had consciously chosen to put more distance between us -- those are the relationships that ache from starvation. Still others have come close to me, not by any work of our own but by God's divine providence, and the product is gloriously revealed in our hugs, laughter, and conversation.
OCA turned 15 years old this month, so I stayed for the celebration on Monday night. OCA and I grew up together, so I knew much of the history that was reiterated that night. Still, I hadn't thought about those 15 years as a whole since I was still attending OCA. I owe so much to the education I received there, the love I was shown, the leadership I was given. Memories were awakened, and with them arose appreciation -- of what God has done to write my life story.
He used a script in a play last night to awaken memories and appreciation of them from their dormancy. The plot was not exact to my situation, but I related to it wholeheartedly. A woman was married to a man who was in love with his own success more than he could ever love her. She was faithful to him. There were no other men in her life to go to, but she left him because he was yoked more to his status than to his wife. He married again, but still didn't care for his wife as much as climbing the social ladder. The thing that grabbed my attention most was the woman who realized she was in a dictating relationship and set herself free from it. The difference with me? Christ has set me free.
The memory of freedom had been in dormant mode. I had pushed away the remembrance of confinement because I was attached to my cage. Being set free meant loss for me-- loss of romance, a best friend, and dreams of our future together-- until I was reminded of the vastness of opportunity and space that Christ had given me by pulling me out of that relationship and giving me an intimate relationship with Himself. He showed me the rest of the world, and I stood in awe of Him. Being enamored by something outside of me was nothing new. I had been amazed by the successes of the other guy in my life for years. But through those years, I had not really seen the glory of God's creation, except through the foggy goggles of another person. It was as if God said, "Charity, he is great and has done many things, but look farther. Look around you! I did so much more."
And I saw it.
I saw the glory of the Lord because Christ was writing my story and freeing me within it. And that particular memory is one that I hope never falls into dormancy.
"For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God." -Psalm 31:3-5
Many memories were stirred from their slumber last weekend. I went to my high school's homecoming basketball game Friday night and saw people whom I haven't seen in several months. I had flashbacks of being on OCA's court, dressing up for spirit week, and cheering on the team -- things directly linked with homecoming festivities. However, I also remembered idiosyncrasies of the students and staff, the jargon in a small Christian school, the jokes that no one outside understands, the celebrations of everyday victories, and the suffering of teenage years. And so many of those things were still there, but sitting in the bleachers and looking around at all the familiar faces, the change overwhelmed me. I wondered if I had changed drastically or if those around me had. I decided it was maybe a combination of both, but that it was mostly me.
Some of the friends had grown farther from me without either of us meaning to be so far away. Our lives had simply taught us different things and found us in opposite places. Others had consciously chosen to put more distance between us -- those are the relationships that ache from starvation. Still others have come close to me, not by any work of our own but by God's divine providence, and the product is gloriously revealed in our hugs, laughter, and conversation.
OCA turned 15 years old this month, so I stayed for the celebration on Monday night. OCA and I grew up together, so I knew much of the history that was reiterated that night. Still, I hadn't thought about those 15 years as a whole since I was still attending OCA. I owe so much to the education I received there, the love I was shown, the leadership I was given. Memories were awakened, and with them arose appreciation -- of what God has done to write my life story.
He used a script in a play last night to awaken memories and appreciation of them from their dormancy. The plot was not exact to my situation, but I related to it wholeheartedly. A woman was married to a man who was in love with his own success more than he could ever love her. She was faithful to him. There were no other men in her life to go to, but she left him because he was yoked more to his status than to his wife. He married again, but still didn't care for his wife as much as climbing the social ladder. The thing that grabbed my attention most was the woman who realized she was in a dictating relationship and set herself free from it. The difference with me? Christ has set me free.
The memory of freedom had been in dormant mode. I had pushed away the remembrance of confinement because I was attached to my cage. Being set free meant loss for me-- loss of romance, a best friend, and dreams of our future together-- until I was reminded of the vastness of opportunity and space that Christ had given me by pulling me out of that relationship and giving me an intimate relationship with Himself. He showed me the rest of the world, and I stood in awe of Him. Being enamored by something outside of me was nothing new. I had been amazed by the successes of the other guy in my life for years. But through those years, I had not really seen the glory of God's creation, except through the foggy goggles of another person. It was as if God said, "Charity, he is great and has done many things, but look farther. Look around you! I did so much more."
And I saw it.
I saw the glory of the Lord because Christ was writing my story and freeing me within it. And that particular memory is one that I hope never falls into dormancy.
"For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God." -Psalm 31:3-5
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Purification
Purity is not difficult to find. It coexists with nature and humanity. What is difficult to find, however, is the desire for purity. Purity has its own attraction, just as anything right does. But impure things allure in powerfully deceptive ways. To desire what is pure, to desire to be pure, is not as eye-catching as impurities seem. Purity possesses a silent appeal that goes unnoticed beneath loud impure distractions ... until one makes himself aware of it. And once he does, purity is unavoidably addictive. He wants to taste what is right, hear what is good, feel what is holy, see what is sanctified, and smell what is heavenly. Anything else sickens him and requires a never-ending process of illumination, to pull purity out of obscurity.
Dear Jesus, give me an appetite for pure things and thoughts. May the good shine brightly.
"... just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." -Ephesians 5:25-27 (NLT)
Dear Jesus, give me an appetite for pure things and thoughts. May the good shine brightly.
"... just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." -Ephesians 5:25-27 (NLT)
Monday, February 4, 2008
The Day Is Coming
The day is coming.
The day that either shadows love or makes it glow.
The day when broken hearts are scribbled on tear-stained notebook paper or delicate flowers are made unexpectedly powerful.
The day when my favorite color (red) and my least favorite flower (rose) are used to torture me.
I had planned to carry on about how much I despise the upcoming holiday until I walked into Wal-mart tonight. The usual attack of Valentine merchandise was gathered at the entrance and scattered throughout the store. The stuffed animals and chocolate boxes hurt my eyes, but I still could not squelch the smiley feeling... the taste of cinnamon candy hot on my tongue, the feel of tiny square valentines passed from friend to friend, the legend of Cupid, or the thought that maybe one day I won't hate February fourteenth so intensely.
I find myself praying more during February. Christ is the only force that keeps me all together; His love is like Elmer's glue for the construction-paper heart that beats within my chest. He knows the day is coming, and so He's gluing me together to make me stronger and getting me ready for the day I have never seen. I trust Him. The day is coming.
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