Yes, I know the title of this is elementary, but I couldn't think of a more sophisticated title. I only knew that I would end up talking about dogs.
Bebo Dinkins is curled up in a ball next to me on the couch with his head resting on my left toes. Bebo is a chihuahua, and if I am not mistaken, he is Helen Dinkins' favorite "person" in the entire world. It has been an odd adjustment for me to have him around since I was never allowed to have a dog indoors at home. He barks when I come down the stairs each morning and when I run back up them. (He's too plump to follow me.) He greets me each evening at six o'clock when I come in from work. The first few weeks, I thought I'd kick the dog out of the house and let him feed off of the stray cats running around Monroe. But after a while, his canine voice became routine and comforting. When the Dinkins went out of town last week and took Bebo along, I would walk in expecting a sharp bark... but instead, it was an empty and silent entrance.
This, I feel, is the purpose God created for pets. Welcomes. I want a dog. I am single, and I want a dog in my life so that it can fulfill its purpose as I fulfill mine. I want someone to welcome me home, to take care of me, for me to take care of in return, to share unconditional love with, to feed, and to fall asleep with someone else in the room for a change. And I thought I needed a man. Now I know -- I just want a dog.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
As I Lay In the Grass
The Dinkins' house is the most peace that I find in all of Charlotte -- maybe because it isn't really in Charlotte. I lie out in their front yard beneath tall, old, pinoak trees in grass that has not been cut in at least two weeks of summer. A barbed wire fence with splintery wooden posts borders the yard. On the other side of the fence is a field, usually covered in wheat. The wheat has already been harvested this year, though. Now pea-green grass grows as far as I can see, right up to the treeline, as high as my knees if I were ever bold enough to jump the fence and trample through it.
Sometimes when I'm out there, I dream that I'm in Ireland. I hear the grass is green there, as well, on the other side of the Atlantic. The Dinkins' lawn and field are most serene just before a summer storm. Only one spot of sunbeams shoot from heaven to earth. Half the sky is dark gray... the other half blue. Thunder rumbles in the distance, reminding me of Daddy's diesel engine starting first thing every morning of my childhood. The old brick house hidden in leaves adds to the surroundings, but not too boldly.
There, lying on the line between the yard and the field, it does not matter how I look. It does not matter if I'm out of shape or overweight. The brand or style of my clothes does not matter at all, either. There, I am part of the beauty around me. My dark hair brushes my elbows beside the blades of grass, twirled around by the approaching storm's gentle breathing.
How could someone have ever imagined those types of moments and planted them within my life? ... moments that feel like a painting... moments when "real life" as we synically view it vanishes, and we are left with the present that seems like a perfect movie. People ask if we deserve the horrible things that God allows in our lives. I, however, wonder if we deserve the good.
Sometimes when I'm out there, I dream that I'm in Ireland. I hear the grass is green there, as well, on the other side of the Atlantic. The Dinkins' lawn and field are most serene just before a summer storm. Only one spot of sunbeams shoot from heaven to earth. Half the sky is dark gray... the other half blue. Thunder rumbles in the distance, reminding me of Daddy's diesel engine starting first thing every morning of my childhood. The old brick house hidden in leaves adds to the surroundings, but not too boldly.
There, lying on the line between the yard and the field, it does not matter how I look. It does not matter if I'm out of shape or overweight. The brand or style of my clothes does not matter at all, either. There, I am part of the beauty around me. My dark hair brushes my elbows beside the blades of grass, twirled around by the approaching storm's gentle breathing.
How could someone have ever imagined those types of moments and planted them within my life? ... moments that feel like a painting... moments when "real life" as we synically view it vanishes, and we are left with the present that seems like a perfect movie. People ask if we deserve the horrible things that God allows in our lives. I, however, wonder if we deserve the good.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Computer Brain
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could do to our brains what we can do to our computers? I would love to go into my mind and click "disk cleanup" or "refresh" or "defragment." I'd love to throw away things that weren't good for me, like bad memories or prejudices and then "empty recycle bin. " And when it was finished, I would be more efficient. Sometimes I feel like our brains really have these things done to them, but the Holy Spirit is the working tool. I feel like circumstances and relationships and thought processes slowly work out the kinks in my brain.
Something that has recently been defragmented in my mind is what I like and dislike. I have begun to realize that a particular relationship in my past forced me to like whatever that person liked and kept me from forming my own opinions on simple issues. If you have ever seen the movie "Runaway Bride" you may have watched an analogy of my own experiences. Therefore, in order to undo all that has been done, to "defragment" my mind, I have tried to examine the things that I say I like, to make sure that I really and truly do like them.
Today, I realized that I like to do repetitive mundane tasks that no one else enjoys. I like stamping envelopes, caulking cracks, sorting beads, organizing storage closets, editing scripts. I love little things. Yes, that's what I like. No one forced that notion. It may be crazy, but it's me, and no one else. It's the me that God made me to be, not a me formed by this insane earth.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2
Something that has recently been defragmented in my mind is what I like and dislike. I have begun to realize that a particular relationship in my past forced me to like whatever that person liked and kept me from forming my own opinions on simple issues. If you have ever seen the movie "Runaway Bride" you may have watched an analogy of my own experiences. Therefore, in order to undo all that has been done, to "defragment" my mind, I have tried to examine the things that I say I like, to make sure that I really and truly do like them.
Today, I realized that I like to do repetitive mundane tasks that no one else enjoys. I like stamping envelopes, caulking cracks, sorting beads, organizing storage closets, editing scripts. I love little things. Yes, that's what I like. No one forced that notion. It may be crazy, but it's me, and no one else. It's the me that God made me to be, not a me formed by this insane earth.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2
Monday, June 25, 2007
Walking for the Cause
The past month has been one of the most spiritually difficult of my nineteen years and ten months. Knowing that I am loved by my family and friends back home has been the only thing to keep my head up, and diving into God's Holy letter and getting letters from my mom has been my core source of strength. And being alone has been my spring of sanity.
When things get crazy, I walk. I drive somewhere secluded, park my car, and walk with cell phone, iPod, camera, and car keys in hand. I walk quickly, and I pray, or think, or both. These walks are owed most of the credit for having any time for thought at all.
Since this morning was free (and since I haven't had much exercise lately), I walked down Macedonia Church Road. It's a beautifully quaint road with plenty of fields and scattered farm houses. The birds chirp and the road is long and diverse enough for a great workout.
However, I am terrified to walk Macedonia Church Road. Because of it's rural location, each farm house has a huge, unchained, growling dog. Each curve in the asphalt and yellow paint has a strange car rounding it. Each step has southern summer heat pounding above it.
But I keep walking. Why? Because the benefits outnumber the risks-- maybe not in number, but in significance.
Such is life. It's torture, but we press on there are blessings that soften the terrors.
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will recieve what He has promised." -Hebrews 10:36
When things get crazy, I walk. I drive somewhere secluded, park my car, and walk with cell phone, iPod, camera, and car keys in hand. I walk quickly, and I pray, or think, or both. These walks are owed most of the credit for having any time for thought at all.
Since this morning was free (and since I haven't had much exercise lately), I walked down Macedonia Church Road. It's a beautifully quaint road with plenty of fields and scattered farm houses. The birds chirp and the road is long and diverse enough for a great workout.
However, I am terrified to walk Macedonia Church Road. Because of it's rural location, each farm house has a huge, unchained, growling dog. Each curve in the asphalt and yellow paint has a strange car rounding it. Each step has southern summer heat pounding above it.
But I keep walking. Why? Because the benefits outnumber the risks-- maybe not in number, but in significance.
Such is life. It's torture, but we press on there are blessings that soften the terrors.
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will recieve what He has promised." -Hebrews 10:36
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
A Night With Elijah
I had the complete joy of babysitting of little Elijah Furtick tonight. I love to interact with children whose parents have placed special attention on communication skills. The Furticks obviously have. Little Elijah is so bright and verbose.
After he had fallen asleep, I tip-toed downstairs and found some reading material in the Furticks' home. I picked a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." It was a book about tiny things that make huge differences in our day-to-day lifestyles and relationships. Such as taking out the trash for someone, not finishing other people's sentences, and not insisting to be right. I nearly read the entire book in one sitting, but got more out of it's content than I have in any book other than the Bible in months.
Reality hit that the points this tiny book was making were the points I had been missing for a while and drastically searching for without even knowing what they were. I knew that I had had these things before and missed them now that they were fading, but I couldn't quite pinpoint how to go back in the right direction. It's so easy to let the simple, easy things fall through the cracks.
I'm so happy that the Holy Spirit has invested time in my communication skills and relationships, just like Pastor Furtick and Holly have with Elijah. May I be simply genuine.
After he had fallen asleep, I tip-toed downstairs and found some reading material in the Furticks' home. I picked a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." It was a book about tiny things that make huge differences in our day-to-day lifestyles and relationships. Such as taking out the trash for someone, not finishing other people's sentences, and not insisting to be right. I nearly read the entire book in one sitting, but got more out of it's content than I have in any book other than the Bible in months.
Reality hit that the points this tiny book was making were the points I had been missing for a while and drastically searching for without even knowing what they were. I knew that I had had these things before and missed them now that they were fading, but I couldn't quite pinpoint how to go back in the right direction. It's so easy to let the simple, easy things fall through the cracks.
I'm so happy that the Holy Spirit has invested time in my communication skills and relationships, just like Pastor Furtick and Holly have with Elijah. May I be simply genuine.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Joel's Highlighter
Well, really not Joel's highlighter, but more like the parts of Joel that I highlighted as I was reading it the past couple days. And really not highlighted, but circled, or boxed, or underlined, or starred with my favorite Pilot G-2 0.5 pen.
Joel is only three chapters long, it's a short read with mostly reprimands, but some encouraging factors in between. I took the reprimands to heart, and then jotted down the encouragments for later. I use the NIV. Read it as you wish.
In Joel 1, there is a huge punishment coming to the people with whom Joel is speaking (mostly concerning locusts and famine and war). He says, "Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation." How powerful. I think of stories my grandmother has always told me of things that happened in her earlier days. I would sit in awe. Can you imagine listening to stories about giant locusts!? This also seems like our own agenda, to tell our future generations of our own foundational faith stories.
Verses 11 through 14 of chapter two are boxed in on my pages. The main heading is "Rend Your Heart". Take a look at those. The Lord asks, commands, or maybe even begs his children to turn their hearts back to Him with "fasting and weeping". Wow. If only our hearts were so willing to weep at being far from Him. If only our hearts would fall at His feet, feeling ridiculous for ever straying from his mighty characteristics (that are also listed in verse 13).
Yet, through these things, He also says "Be not afraid," both in 2:21 and 2:22. For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved... there will be deliverance" in 2:32.
The part of this passage that struck my heart with the most pain was a single phrase... "The valley of decision" (mentioned twice in verse 3:14). It gives the feeling of the valley of the shadow of death, but this "valley of decision" is faced far more often than that of death. And some of those decisions take so long to make... months and years of making choices every day that lead to one huge decision, and even longer time is needed to see the rewards of the right ones. Oh, Lord, let us make the right ones!
Praise the name of the Lord your God who has worked wonders for you. -Joel 2:26
Joel is only three chapters long, it's a short read with mostly reprimands, but some encouraging factors in between. I took the reprimands to heart, and then jotted down the encouragments for later. I use the NIV. Read it as you wish.
In Joel 1, there is a huge punishment coming to the people with whom Joel is speaking (mostly concerning locusts and famine and war). He says, "Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation." How powerful. I think of stories my grandmother has always told me of things that happened in her earlier days. I would sit in awe. Can you imagine listening to stories about giant locusts!? This also seems like our own agenda, to tell our future generations of our own foundational faith stories.
Verses 11 through 14 of chapter two are boxed in on my pages. The main heading is "Rend Your Heart". Take a look at those. The Lord asks, commands, or maybe even begs his children to turn their hearts back to Him with "fasting and weeping". Wow. If only our hearts were so willing to weep at being far from Him. If only our hearts would fall at His feet, feeling ridiculous for ever straying from his mighty characteristics (that are also listed in verse 13).
Yet, through these things, He also says "Be not afraid," both in 2:21 and 2:22. For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved... there will be deliverance" in 2:32.
The part of this passage that struck my heart with the most pain was a single phrase... "The valley of decision" (mentioned twice in verse 3:14). It gives the feeling of the valley of the shadow of death, but this "valley of decision" is faced far more often than that of death. And some of those decisions take so long to make... months and years of making choices every day that lead to one huge decision, and even longer time is needed to see the rewards of the right ones. Oh, Lord, let us make the right ones!
Praise the name of the Lord your God who has worked wonders for you. -Joel 2:26
Thursday, June 14, 2007
My Longest Deepest Prayer
I had the amazing opportunity to view Billy Graham's new library today. There would not be enough time or words to express how amazing it was to be a smidgen closer to such a marvelous man and to get a closer look at his gargantuan life.
However, the portion that touched me most was not focused on Billy, but instead on his wife Ruth. While watching the videos, seeing the pictures, and standing in a replica of her home and her life, the hidden feelings that I have always harbored in my heart surfaced into tears on my face. Her life is my dream-- maybe not exactly, but as an outline. How amazing would it be to marry a truly God-centered man, and to have my ministry become furthering his ministry! How blessed to be completely in love with the person you KNOW was intended to be with you for your entire lifetime and have mutual respect for them, as a person and as Christ's vessel! Explaining how I feel is difficult, but somehow I know that I was made to be a wife to a godly man. I prayed so deeply today, just like I have since I was a child, for my future husband, and for the wife I will one day be. I prayed that I would always focus on Christ and that I would spend my life loving a man who did the same.
Mrs. Graham went to Heaven today, and she saw the One she had served constantly for her entire life. But she left behind a world who admired her, a family who loved her greatly, and her true soulmate, Reverend Billy Graham. May the Lord bless them all.
However, the portion that touched me most was not focused on Billy, but instead on his wife Ruth. While watching the videos, seeing the pictures, and standing in a replica of her home and her life, the hidden feelings that I have always harbored in my heart surfaced into tears on my face. Her life is my dream-- maybe not exactly, but as an outline. How amazing would it be to marry a truly God-centered man, and to have my ministry become furthering his ministry! How blessed to be completely in love with the person you KNOW was intended to be with you for your entire lifetime and have mutual respect for them, as a person and as Christ's vessel! Explaining how I feel is difficult, but somehow I know that I was made to be a wife to a godly man. I prayed so deeply today, just like I have since I was a child, for my future husband, and for the wife I will one day be. I prayed that I would always focus on Christ and that I would spend my life loving a man who did the same.
Mrs. Graham went to Heaven today, and she saw the One she had served constantly for her entire life. But she left behind a world who admired her, a family who loved her greatly, and her true soulmate, Reverend Billy Graham. May the Lord bless them all.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Famous Amos
Mmm.... dont' you love those cookies? I do... even though I'm a calorie-counter and wouldn't dare think of eating them often.But the famous Amos that I'm talking about is the one that wrote the book with his name as the title. I had the morning off from Elevation Interning, and so I woke slowly and read extra, surprisingly reaching the end of Amos before I was supposed to leave for work.
Here are my thoughts from Amos:
"When disaster comes to a city, has not the Lord caused it?" (3:6)... Wow. New Orleans was the first that came to mind. Then I recalled September 11th and the pain that was thrust upon two great cities. And just yesterday three police officers were in car accidents here in the city of Charlotte. Did God cause it? I'm sure there is more to study on this thought.
"Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants and the prophets?... The Sovereign Lord has spoken--but who can prophesy?" (3:7,8)... Wh0 are the prophets and servants of today? I believe there are many bright lights such as these who are messengers of the Master's plan. We should be more aware of them.
This one reminds me of a war movie quote, or something. If you know it, enlighten me. ..."Prepare to meet your God." (4:12)
"Seek me and live... Seek the Lord and live." (5:4,6)
"The prudent man keeps quiet...." (5:13)
"Hate evil. Love good." (5:14)
"Woe to you who are complacent..." (6:1)... Even the sentence makes me a little less comfortable.
And in closing, "This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me." I love you, guys. Whoever reads. God bless.
Here are my thoughts from Amos:
"When disaster comes to a city, has not the Lord caused it?" (3:6)... Wow. New Orleans was the first that came to mind. Then I recalled September 11th and the pain that was thrust upon two great cities. And just yesterday three police officers were in car accidents here in the city of Charlotte. Did God cause it? I'm sure there is more to study on this thought.
"Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants and the prophets?... The Sovereign Lord has spoken--but who can prophesy?" (3:7,8)... Wh0 are the prophets and servants of today? I believe there are many bright lights such as these who are messengers of the Master's plan. We should be more aware of them.
This one reminds me of a war movie quote, or something. If you know it, enlighten me. ..."Prepare to meet your God." (4:12)
"Seek me and live... Seek the Lord and live." (5:4,6)
"The prudent man keeps quiet...." (5:13)
"Hate evil. Love good." (5:14)
"Woe to you who are complacent..." (6:1)... Even the sentence makes me a little less comfortable.
And in closing, "This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me." I love you, guys. Whoever reads. God bless.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Happy Ending
Today began by being predictable, then ended with pleasant surprises.
Being in a new place where everyone knows everyone else but you and you know no one is sometimes a struggle. This morning I started out exhausted simply from trying to become close to these new people that I find myself surrounded by. It has been this way for a few days. This experience is completely new to me. I don't think anyone truly understands it. I don't mind not being understood by others, but I feel that I must be understood by myself, and that just wasn't happening. So I started out the day tired from trying to form trust or any social standing. I was discouraged in the relationship department, with people in general, not even talking about the opposite sex.
But, as always, God knew the perfect timing for a perfect pick-me-up. The other four interns and myself had a meeting with our "boss" Pastor Larry Brey today, and he used some of his counseling techniques on all of us. It made the group open up a little more to each other, which I personally love, but realize that self-exploration is not everyone's favorite activity. I feel like it really opened up the group today. Then, most of that same group attended a small group in a church member's home immediately following, and opened up even more.
To add to that encouragement and revitalization, a good friend of mine asked for suggestions on scripture to read for his devotion this evening. The first thing that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind was Micah.
3:6 - "I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the Lord, and with justice and might,"
4:5 - "All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever."
6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
7:7 - "But as for me, I will watch in hope for the Lord. I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
7:8-10 - "...Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. ... He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness. Then my enemy will see it and will be covered with shame."
So chin up, everyone. Even if a bad day doesn't get better, sometimes a couple of them end well!
Being in a new place where everyone knows everyone else but you and you know no one is sometimes a struggle. This morning I started out exhausted simply from trying to become close to these new people that I find myself surrounded by. It has been this way for a few days. This experience is completely new to me. I don't think anyone truly understands it. I don't mind not being understood by others, but I feel that I must be understood by myself, and that just wasn't happening. So I started out the day tired from trying to form trust or any social standing. I was discouraged in the relationship department, with people in general, not even talking about the opposite sex.
But, as always, God knew the perfect timing for a perfect pick-me-up. The other four interns and myself had a meeting with our "boss" Pastor Larry Brey today, and he used some of his counseling techniques on all of us. It made the group open up a little more to each other, which I personally love, but realize that self-exploration is not everyone's favorite activity. I feel like it really opened up the group today. Then, most of that same group attended a small group in a church member's home immediately following, and opened up even more.
To add to that encouragement and revitalization, a good friend of mine asked for suggestions on scripture to read for his devotion this evening. The first thing that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind was Micah.
3:6 - "I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the Lord, and with justice and might,"
4:5 - "All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever."
6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
7:7 - "But as for me, I will watch in hope for the Lord. I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
7:8-10 - "...Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. ... He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness. Then my enemy will see it and will be covered with shame."
So chin up, everyone. Even if a bad day doesn't get better, sometimes a couple of them end well!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Mondays
I created this blog a few days ago. I have a Facebook and always love posting new notes, but this seemed more professional, and (to be honest and girly) I loved the layouts.
But after creating this blog, I postponed writing anything, mostly because of pressure to make the first one special, and not knowing where to start. I tried to get creativeness to flow in my veins and somehow drip from my fingertips into this lovely Dell Inspiron Notebook, but even walking around with the birds and squirrels with visions of Snow White in mind did not seem to help.
Today is Monday. I've never been the type to dread Monday morning, but they weren't my favorite either. Then I came to Charlotte for this Summer Internship at Elevation Church. Monday's at Elevation aren't the normal Monday. We sleep in on Mondays because Sunday's are HUGE. Praise Jesus for huge Sundays! From 6am to 2pm, the church is working harder than ever throughout Sunday. However, the office doesn't open until noon on Monday, which I interpret as our opportunity to sleep in! Personlly, I love the atypical schedule! It's a wonderful head start to a wonderful week.
With the extra time this morning, I woke late and read Pastor Furtick's blog. (Check it out at stevenfurtick.com.) And, as always, he voiced my thoughts. Though he was completely unaware (and still is), he spoke exactly about my life. He wrote on blog procrastination. His words brought realization. I am an English major, and I'm waiting around for creativity to be a part of my life instead of simply beginning to write and just see what happens in the end! So, with the "Just do it" mentality, I signed online.
Yes, g00d or bad, this is my first blog. It probably won't even be read until my reader number boosts... and who knows if that will ever happen? (God does.)
Still, I am here. I will write. I can't promise perfection or inspiration, but I can promise words -- maybe long and rambling, or short and sketched, but not mindless, insincere, or dishonest-- my words. That's who I am. Read and comment all you wish.
But after creating this blog, I postponed writing anything, mostly because of pressure to make the first one special, and not knowing where to start. I tried to get creativeness to flow in my veins and somehow drip from my fingertips into this lovely Dell Inspiron Notebook, but even walking around with the birds and squirrels with visions of Snow White in mind did not seem to help.
Today is Monday. I've never been the type to dread Monday morning, but they weren't my favorite either. Then I came to Charlotte for this Summer Internship at Elevation Church. Monday's at Elevation aren't the normal Monday. We sleep in on Mondays because Sunday's are HUGE. Praise Jesus for huge Sundays! From 6am to 2pm, the church is working harder than ever throughout Sunday. However, the office doesn't open until noon on Monday, which I interpret as our opportunity to sleep in! Personlly, I love the atypical schedule! It's a wonderful head start to a wonderful week.
With the extra time this morning, I woke late and read Pastor Furtick's blog. (Check it out at stevenfurtick.com.) And, as always, he voiced my thoughts. Though he was completely unaware (and still is), he spoke exactly about my life. He wrote on blog procrastination. His words brought realization. I am an English major, and I'm waiting around for creativity to be a part of my life instead of simply beginning to write and just see what happens in the end! So, with the "Just do it" mentality, I signed online.
Yes, g00d or bad, this is my first blog. It probably won't even be read until my reader number boosts... and who knows if that will ever happen? (God does.)
Still, I am here. I will write. I can't promise perfection or inspiration, but I can promise words -- maybe long and rambling, or short and sketched, but not mindless, insincere, or dishonest-- my words. That's who I am. Read and comment all you wish.
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