Ouch... Praise God.

I am so sorry to have kept my readers waiting! The past couple days have been a whirlwind of amazing things, good and bad, in my life. I've just been trying to think of a way to condense in all right here into a readable blog. I gave up on figuring that out, so here begins my novel :

After the amazing morning and afternoon on Sunday, there was a worship night exclusively for the volunteers of Elevation... only I didn't know that I was invited until just before it began. I had assumed that I would be working with the children, but Elevation is so fabulous in planning for every detail, and this event was specifically to get the typical workers into a praise service all their own without the responsibilities hanging just outside the auditorium doors.

What happened for those two hours in that high school is inexplicable. It was a CD release PARTY(!) for "The Sound" by Elevation Worship Band. The total time spent worshiping, singing, raising hands, jumping, clapping, screaming, yelling, and simply having an awesome time celebrating how incredible Christ is. Pastor Furtick also spoke openly and unscripted to us, his core, devoted volunteers.

And, in the boisterousness of the room, my heart was silent and listening. God was speaking and pushing. He was calling me to act upon a decision that I had already made. I had fought Him far too long. He was jealous. I had caused it. I had promised to cut off things that held me back from him, but procrastinated in doing so. Standing in the auditorium with the subs blasting in my ears and tears washing away my makeup, I told God, "This is going to hurt. Oh, God, You know this is going to hurt. But I know that it's going to feel good when you fulfill your will because I let go of this."

James 4:17 "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and does not do it, sins."

And so, that very next day, I made the phonecall and did the good that hurt so much.

I don't know how to explain it. I'm sure many of you have experienced this, but I had never --not to this extent -- to cut off something that has grown into part of you, and the only thing keeping you from bleeding to death is knowing that the Healer will make you whole... and the you afterwards will be optimally improved.

And again, the verses from Zechariah came to my aid. "I will bring [them] into the fire. ... refine them... test them... they will call on My name and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God!'" (13:9)

Today was difficult. And somehow, it was wonderful. It still hurts. There is still healing to be done. But even that pain is minimal compared to the total pain that could experienced over any extensive time I would spend holding on to the things God commanded me to lose. I coped in the way I almost always do. I wrote.

When I let You have me
When I let You have it all
When I forget my sacrifice
And think about the call
I shed a couple tears
One for joy, one for pain
Through bittersweet circumstances
You make each one my gain.