The Repercussions of Media

When I first began this blog, I intended it to be a place that I could type out my thoughts and have some accountability to encourage me to keep writing. Now, however, I feel as if I give my readers a picture of an emotional reject. I write on the lowest and highest points of my everyday life. I am sorry if you are getting this image of me. I am not that extreme in person. Get to know me outside of this emotion-type blog. It's only my release.

Up-swing : Tonight was fabulous. It was the first night of Elevation's Summer Blast. It was the night we'd all been waiting for, praying for, and preparing for. And it was marvelous. The kids were so pumped about the entire thing. I have found out how much I adore children in this Charlotte experience... how fun it is to see their faces light up. It makes me wonder if I'll have my own children, or if I'll be involved in children's ministry.

Down-swing : I wanted to share that moment with someone ... someone whom I couldn't anymore.
On the first day, I avoided the radio altogether, driving in silence. But I realized my addiction to music and that silence only made me think deeper. Then, I tried listening to songs that made my heart dwell on other things. That playlist is very short. I would switch radio stations and skip songs on iTunes until I found something that was uplifting. Then I realized that I was listening to the same songs over and over. So I sat myself down in the locker room and pep-talked myself into thinking I was ready for whatever live-radio had to throw at me. Here's what happens when you let media shuffle it's way into your thoughts...

"Someday I will find a love that flows through me like this, and this will fall away. I'm a loser."
And for a second, I wonder if it's true.

"Beautiful Girl... you'll have me suicidal... when you say 'it's over'."
And I pray for his heart.

"I'd rather live in his world than live without him in mine."
And I wonder if I should just take the train straight to his home town.

"I'm so glad for someone like you I can come home to"
And I ask myself why I gave that up.

"You have a way of coming easily to me; and when you take, you take the very best of me.... What a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. ... And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you."
And I worry about him.

"No one ever tells you that forever feels like home sitting all alone inside your head. How do you feel?... How much is real? So much to question."
And I go home in a different way.




Credits: "Loser" -3 Doors Down. "Beautiful Girls" - Sean Kingston. "Midnight Train to Georgia" - Gladys Knight. "Tuesday Night" - Adam Hood (who would be amazing in concert with Corey Smith... gah, the little things that make me think). "Cold As You" -Taylor Swift. "Through the Glass" -Stone Sour.